Haiku Live-Blogging The VP Debate

Lots of other bloggers will be live-blogging tonight's Vice Presidential Debate (including Boise's own Kevin Richert), and Fred Fry is even thinking about drunk-blogging it, but only here at TSSBP will you see Interweb history being made: the first ever live-blogging of a Vice Presidential Debate conducted entirely by haiku (seasonal reference-optional division). Here's an example of what you'll see exclusively at The Stupid Shall Be Punished if you come back after 1900 MDT:

"Senator Biden
Will win unless he teabags
Governor Palin"

(The particular circumstances of this debate -- having both participants with honorific plus last name being exactly five syllables, as indicated above -- makes this an easier event to haiku live-blog than most. Still, since this is the first time it's being done in the history of the universe, I don't mind having a lower degree of difficulty.)

I'll see you back here at 7 p.m. MDT.

Update 02 Oct 1858:
"Palin and Biden
Standing on a new red stage
Not kissing in tree."


1904:
"Senator Biden:
Bush econ worse than Hoover!
Hyperbole reigns."

1908:
"Biden's plan is clear
Attack McCain, not Palin
Not sure it will work."

1911:
"Senator Palin:
'Darn right!' She's very folksy.
Advantage, Palin."

1914:
"Biden whines to Gwen.
He has facts, but sounds whiny;
Talk to the people!"

1918:
"Governor Palin:
'Taxes not Patriotic!'
Is tax evasion?"

1922:
"The Bridge To Nowhere!
Biden mentions it before
Palin gets a chance."

1923:
"Senator Biden:
Calls some unpatriotic
Seems Dems do that more."

1928:
"Domestic questions
getting really boring, Gwen
On to better stuff!"

1930:
"Hey, did you notice?
Governor Palin sure does
Look like Tina Fey"

1931:
"Governor Palin:
Admits climate change real
Just not human-caused."

1936:
"On to better stuff:
Gay civil union rights, wow...
Palin is mainstream!"

1939:
"On to Iraq surge;
Palin somehow makes 'surge' have
many syllables."

1943:
"Re: Gwen Ifill book --
Now can't ask 'gotcha' question
Advantage: Palin"

1947:
"Senator Biden:
McCain voted against troops. (?)
Not believable."

1953:
"Senator Biden:
'Country north of Israel'...
Can't name Lebanon?"

1956:
"Governor Palin:
'Nuclear Weaponry' bad.
Never used phrase before."

2000:
"Palin has name gaffe:
'McClellan' vice 'McKiernan'
Biden whiffs on call."

2007:
"Gwen: 'Heartbeat away'...
Biden mentions Bush Doctrine.
What will Palin say?"

2012:
" 'Say it ain't so, Joe',
'Gosh darn it'; folksy meter
Pegs high for Palin."

2014:
"Governor Palin:
Now knows what a VP does --
Gets Senate gavel!"

2017:
"Biden: Cheney most
Dangerous VP ever!
But Burr treasonous."

2021:
"Biden chokes up, but
recovers with dignity
His "snowflake" moment?"

2025:
"Final question now;
Whose closing statement will have
Memorable quote?"

2030:
"Governor Palin:
Always proud American!
Quotes Reagan, good call."

2032:
"Senator Biden:
When knocked down, get up, thanks God;
No knockout blow lands."

2033:
"Final impressions --
Palin beats expectations,
Which were very low."

Update 2136 02 Oct: Getting away from the haiku form, here are some conclusions I reached about tonight's debate. While Governor Palin definitely exceeded expectations that had been about as low as anything I've ever seen, we really won't know until next week who "won" the debate. The people who really decide -- the American people -- won't really come up with a consensus until they talk about it at work tomorrow, and then talk about what SNL said about it when they get back to work on Monday. Gwen Ifill, because of the flap over her "pro-Obama" book that's coming out, wasn't able to ask any "gotcha" questions of Gov. Palin, and the controversy may have kept her from asking questions like "Do you support a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage" that would have differentiated Gov. Palin and Sen. Biden on that issue.

Here's an analogy I've been using regarding Sen. McCain's pick of Gov. Palin for the VP slot -- it involves poker. Sen. McCain is an experienced politician, and he knew he was on his way to losing the election as we approached the convention. He knew he needed a pick who would "stir things up"; who would bring the conservative wing of the GOP back home and get the public's attention. Gov. Palin was really the only choice who fit that bill. Sen. McCain assumed that, as someone who won election as Governor, that she'd be a quick study in learning what she needed to answer questions from the national media. It's like Sen McCain was sitting at the poker table with the short stack, and went all in with an inside straight draw. He got no help on the turn (the first media interviews) and tonight was the river card. Maybe he didn't get the card he needed, but he certainly paired his high card; whether or not that is enough to win the hand remains to be seen. My guess is that it's not, and in 33 days people will be voting for the top of the ticket, like they always have, and Sen. Obama will win that one. Still, it was worth a try for Sen. McCain, and Gov. Palin did about the best she could tonight.